on being clueless.

In recent years I have learned to not only appreciate those things which others may understand better than I, but I have also gained an appreciation for my own lack of understanding, and for the process through which we as people come to understand. In essence, I am beginning to understand understanding. While this attitude has been several years in the making, it has been especially important during my time in Spain. It's intriguing to see how people communicate when common language skills don't exist. It has been difficult, but rewarding. Normally, when we ask each other questions, we use words to articulate it. But when those words are not available life gets so much more interesting (and yes, frustrating).
Mario, for example, is the name of one of the two boys I take care of here in Spain. It is worth noting that he does speak English, but he does so very badly. That's not his fault of course. In fact for a 10 year old Spanish boy, he speaks excellent English. However communicating with Mario presents a serious challenge. The most important tool we have had to overcome this, is the ability to express questions without words. It's interesting to see how the emotion, facial expressions, body language, and attitudes all play a critical role in communicating when there are no words to hide behind. Not only that, but the ways in which we have been forced to answer each others questions has been equally as interesting.
Now the idea here is not a new one, nor one that I am just now embracing, but rather one that is constantly being reinforced in my mind. It is this: To me, the most beautiful part of communication, be it through language or some other method, is in filling the hole left by a lack of knowledge. In other words, I love questions. Like a lot.
My appreciation for questions comes largely from the fact that i firmly believe we serve a God who not only wants us to question Him, but questions us in return. I'll expand on this another time, but for now we'll leave it at that. Let me also take a moment to clarify what I mean here by "question Him" because I can already see the pitchforks and torches headed my way. What I am not saying, is that we should doubt or deny God, and I am by no means encouraging defiance. That is actually quite the opposite of the point I am making. Instead we should take the doubts which will inevitably appear in our hearts and our minds (the hole left by a lack of knowledge) and examine them to the point of interrogating God in search of the truth, all the while with the intent to grown in love through knowledge and insight (Philippians 1:10), and achieve a greater understanding of our God and our faith. Yes, I said interrogate. To interrogate is to ask questions (of someone) closely, aggressively, or formally. In the story of Jacob, as he wrestles with God, it seems clear to me that our God is one who desires that we not only seek after Him, but also seek to understand Him and His ways, and that we do so aggressively (or in Christian-ese: intentionally). Some might disagree with my interpretation of that story, but that's a conversation for another day. The point is this: since we know we are human, and we will all face questions to which we do not know the answer, we ought to bring these questions, in faith and with respect to the underlying truths that we hold firm to, before our father in pursuit of the answer. So what are those underlying truths?
Simply put, the Gospel is that truth. Christians absolutely must agree on the basics of the gospel. Whether we claim to be Calvinist, Arminian, both (yes I am aware they hold conflicting views, I'm only making a point), or neither, if we claim to be Christians we must come together with regard to the truth of Romans 10:9-13. Regardless of the specifics of the faith, if one claims to be a Christian, this passage is crucial. Paul clearly lays out the means by which a person comes to redemption. One could pick apart the finer points of soteriology until the cows come home (which I may do in a later post), but without the agreement on the idea that man is redeemed by Christ's death and resurrection, and consequently, God's loving and faithful nature, we will get nowhere with each other and we will most certainly get nowhere with God.
Anyway where was I? Right. Questions. I believe in the power of a question, because I believe Christ does as well. He, just like many people in the days of His ministry on Earth, had a habit of relying heavily on such language in order to get at the heart of the matter (and the heart of people). The perfect example of this can be found in the New Testament when Christ is approached by an "expert in the law". Here is how Luke tells the story (Luke 10:25-29 NIV)

"Teacher," he asked, "what must I do to inherit eternal life?"

"What is written in the Law?" He replied. "How do you read it?"

He answered " 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your strength and with all your mind' and 'Love your neighbor as yourself' "

"You have answered correctly," Jesus replied. "Do this and you will live."

But he wanted to justify himself, so he asked Jesus, "And who is my neighbor?"

This is what fascinates me. When I read this, I imagine Jesus sighing as he says "What is written in the Law?" as if to say "can we skip this part, because we both know this isn't what you really want to know." Maybe that's just my imagination playing into it, but having studied Spanish for a short time now, I'm learning that questions transcend specific languages, and go far beyond a simple communication of facts. Instead they give a glimpse at the heart of the person behind the question, the person the question is directed at, and the topic of discussion itself. Jesus is well aware of that here, which is why instead of simply answering the man's final question, he replies with a story. We know this story as "The Good Samaritan".
Jesus responds this way because he is uninterested in simply giving the man an answer. Instead, as is His nature, Christ deals directly with the mans heart as revealed through his question, and in doing so reveals some of the heart of God in return. It's a beautiful and convicting exchange and it's one that perfectly displays the power of a simple question.
I'm slowly learning to utilize this power. I'm learning to not only recognize my own lack of knowledge but to pursue the answer, and through it a better understanding of the heart of God, and even a better understanding of my own heart. I would encourage everyone else to do the same. But the hard part comes in having a heart that genuinely desires truth from such questions,  rather than the self-justification that the lawyer sought.
Questions are a gift, so ask away. Don't be afraid to not know. Don't be afraid to pursue truth through others who may have found it. And most certainly don't be afraid to pursue it in the only one who can provide ultimate truth.

on nibbling at truth.

      I am not a fan of cliches. I don't like catchy sayings, I hate cheap inspirational quotes, and very little irritates me more than seeing them all on Facebook. Now I will admit I am generalizing a bit with these terms, so I'll be a tad more specific. More than anything I cannot stand to see truth oversimplified for the sake of creating one of the aforementioned annoyances. Especially when it's only purpose is to make oneself feel all nice and bubbly inside. Regardless of how, in every instance, when a particular truth is chopped down and reshaped into easier to swallow, bite-sized truths, it becomes a misrepresentation of the very thing it used to be. We are no longer diving into the objective beauty of the things we cannot control, but instead only nibbling on the parts that make us feel good. There is a certain rage that boils up inside me when the principals on which my life has been founded are misrepresented in this fashion.
One such example of this is the "follow your heart" theme that so often shows up in modern culture. It is verbalized, implied and even assumed nowadays. We've seen time and time again how characters in movies, books, etc., can achieve their goals "if they only follow their heart". It is the ultimate advice for those who are lost, confused, or unsure. We are taught that the only axiomatic guidance we need lies within our own intuition. I believe the intentions behind the expression are genuinely good. It's meant to inspire hope and love, and to spur on the aspirations of those who are discouraged by the world. Its the implications that are less desirable.
Now to be sure, when I say heart I am not talking about the organ. I instead am referring to the feelings, the intuition, and the internal GPS that makes a gut feeling possible. In Jeremiah 17:9 this very heart is described as being "deceitful above all else". I believe that we do follow our hearts. And we can all attest to the destruction that comes from it. We know we are a broken people. And the results of such self-guidance are destructive, hurtful, and devastating. But if our hearts deceive us, what are we to trust in?
Finally. The heart (see what I did there?) of the matter. Scott Evans, one of my favorite authors, points out in one of his books that the Bible seems to present the heart somewhat paradoxically. Yes, Jeremiah calls the heart deceitful, but backing up a few books into Proverbs 4:23 and we are told that, not only do we need to protect it, but that the heart is the "wellspring of life". Right. So which is it? Are we to protect and guard the very things that deceives us?
I firmly believe that we are indeed supposed to trust our hearts. But not as they are, rather as they were intended. Sin has corrupted us and destroyed what was originally created to be in perfect community with God. Through Jesus Christ, however, we may find redemption and ultimately are created new, heart and all. 2 Corinthians mentions this is chapter 5, verse 17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come. The old has gone, the new is here!" The old testament mentions the idea of a new heart several times. Some of those references include Ezekiel 18:31, 11:19, and 36:26, the latter of which says "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh"
It is that heart that I believe we are instructed to protect. Yes, we are redeemed and no longer enslaved to sin. But are still vulnerable. We still fall to sin and we can and do still feel the worldly effects of sin, and so we must be on our guard, trusting not in our own instincts but instead in our Father's guidance. That's that whole truth.
Now I am by no means claiming to be innocent of this truth-nibbling problem however. I am as guilty as anyone in having occasionally eaten around the hard to swallow parts. All I'm saying is, lets start working through the truth, and dig into the meat of it. Let's investigate, let's ask questions, and ultimately, let's start reaping the spiritual benefits of a balanced diet filled with the whole truth, and a little less spiritual junk food. And yes, I'm done with the food metaphors now.

"Keep all your anecdotes and cute quotes
I'll pass on clichés for true hope"
 -Trip Lee "Sweet Victory"

on blogging.

Greetings interweb!

I've heavily debating starting up this blog for a number of reason that you are likely uninterested in, but suffice it to say that writing the posts to come have served as a sort of vent for all the things that bounce around my brain at night. I don't create music, I don't draw, or paint, or do anything of significantly creativite for that matter. So writing has been a good outlet for me and my thoughts. I originally never intended to post the majority of what follows, but who knows, maybe somebody will find it interesting. I won't go into too much detail about where all of these scatterbrained ramblings come from, but i will say this: My blog is probably the closest any of you will get to being inside my mind. So tread carefully.

As far as the validity of the claims i make in these posts, please understand

I make no claims to having extensive knowledge of these topics,
but instead I claim to be constantly searching for that knowledge.

I make no claims to presenting innovative or new topics that will interest you,
but instead I claim to be writing about the things that keep me up at night.

I make no claims to having all the anwers in these posts,
but instead I claim to be expressing my thoughts as I work through the questions.

I make no claims to writing elegantly or even particularly well,
but instead I claim to be writing out of a genuine spirit of honesty.

And last but most importantly,
I make no claims to speaking objective truth,
but instead I claim to be wrestling through my own subjective bias in the pursuit of ultimate truth.

Don't forget to check back occaionally as i hope to post a new one of these (articles? blogs? journals? whatever) roughly once a week.

Enjoy!

Or don't. It's your life.