on doubting.

       This is a big issue for Christians, and as an aspiring youth pastor I find the idea of doubting and dealing with doubts to be a topic of monumental importance. Is it okay to have doubts? What's the difference between doubt and disbelief? Is doubt sinful? Is disbelief?
At first these questions seem simple. I could spit out a half a dozen surface level answers and explanations that would satisfy these questions, at least to some degree. But honestly I think it's far more important to address the assumptions behind the questions. As I've talked about in previous posts, I firmly believe that all questions come from somewhere. They reveal a persons heart and open a door, behind which lie a thousand more questions. For more about my thoughts and opinions on questions check out the blog post I did several weeks back :

http://whatsaaronthinking.blogspot.com/2014/10/on-being-clueless.html

For now though, I want to talk about where I believe these questions about doubting come from. I'll ease into the whole assuming things business with a simple one: People ask the question "is it okay to have doubts" because they have doubts. I think we can all agree that's a pretty safe bet. But it's also absolutely crucial to this conversation, because it means the person asking isn't interested in a yes or no. They could care less about a simple answer. What they are really after is practicality. In other words, they want to know if doubting is wrong how can we put an end to it? Alternatively, if doubting is not wrong, what do we do with our doubts? It's here that we typically have to stop and define doubt.
We would talk about how there is an important line between doubt and disbelief and that doubt stems from a lack understanding and disbelief stems from a lack of faith. I don't disagree with this. What I disagree with is the idea that there is a clearly defined line, because in my experience that line can be incredibly difficult to find and even more difficult to stay on one side of.
Rather than talk about definitions, lines, and straight foreword answers, I would like to talk about hearts. Specifically, the heart of the doubter. More important than an individuals doubts, or lack thereof, is that person's heart, and how it reflects their knowledge of Christ. In a book I was recently reading, Austin Fischer makes a comment on the starting point of theology that I think also very well sums up the way any Christian should approach the inevitability of doubts. He says this:

"Who is God? How do you know? From the Christian perspective these are the questions of human existence. All other questions asked and answers given ultimately bend back toward these, for in every answer to every question there is the implicit claim 'This is who God is and this is how I know'. And so who is God and how do you know?"

I've recently had the pleasure of watching a few of my best friends grow into some of the most loving and spiritually mature people I've ever met. I couldn't possibly be more proud of the Godly women they have become. They are by no means perfect and the circumstances that have forced this growth upon them have been sudden and tragic to say the least. Nonetheless, they have endured and I have seen Christ shine through their lives and in their stories. The reason, I firmly believe, is that they have answered those two questions in their hearts. Has it made their struggles easy? No. Has doing so wiped away any of their hardships? Most certainly not. Have they experienced doubt in one form or another along the way? More than likely yes.
What it has done, however, is given them a foundation. Amidst the tears, the anger, the confusion, there is always one constant: This is who my God is, and this is how I know. It's not a solution or the answer to all your questions, but instead a starting point.
So to those battling doubts, or guilt over having them, I would say this: Who is God? How do you know? Build your foundation, a starting point onto which you can always fall back when your own understanding fails. Answer that, then go out and struggle through the rest of your questions in search of Him, but always have your heart set on who you know Him to be, and how you know.

For me, my starting point will always be the God on the cross. That is who I know God is.

Hebrews 1:1-3:

"1 In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe. 3 The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."