on theology, calvinism, and my search for God (Part 2, Scratching the Itch)

Read part 1 here:
on theology, calvinism, and my search for God (Part 1, What's the point?)


In a book that I recently read, and loved, Austn Fischer decribed the intricacies of his theological journey. At one point he talked about what he calls the "more itch". It's the craving for a deeper faith. The need to discover more and to being learning and growing. The powerful desire to dig below the surface of Christianity. For many of us, and for Fischer, it is the cause of our start down the winding road of big words and complicated theology. It causes us to start asking the hard questions and really seeking the answers. It is the realization that there is always more to discover and more to wrestle with. Or so it was for me.
Growing up in the church left me with an attitude that many church kids like me will relate to. I had heard all the stories, listened to the sermons, and collected all the right answers. I was fluent in christianese, I knew how to behave in a church setting, and yes, I would vote Republican when I grew up, because we all know Jesus is a Republican. But at some point I started to come to the realization that faith is not simple. Life is hard, God is complicated, and I had questions. I was starting to get the "more itch".
I remember a particular friend of mine in jr high that told me once that he was an atheist. He told me he believed we evolved and that science had proved it. This wasn't a new concept to me, after all I had been in public school for the majority of my life. Still, it was the first time I had considered how to respond. How do I argue with science? How could I possibly convince my friend he was wrong when all the evidence seemed to be on his side? For that matter, why would I stand behind my beliefs if I couldn't even defend them? And so I studied. I read books, I listened to sermons, I watched debates and I collected facts. Slowly but surely I began to build up a foundation of facts on which to construct my defense and my arguments. Like a blacksmith crafting a sword, I was carefully crafting the weapons I would use to tear apart those who dissagreed with me. Needless to say, my attitude about the situation needed some serous work, but it was nonetheless a big step into what I now know is called apologetics.
The word "apologetics" comes from the Greek word "apologia" which means "to give a defense". It implies a defense supported by specific reasons, thought and rationality. I became dedicated to exactly that. I suddenly had come up with well thought out, rational arguments in favor of my faith. I took on 1 Peter 3:15 as my life motto and started every day ready to go into battle to defend my God. But in all my studies I never addressed the last part of that verse.

 1 Peter 3:15 NIV

       "But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect"

Gentleness and respect. Ouch. I never was particularly great at either of those. I was argumentative, stuborn, and my motives had much less to do with advancing the gospel and much more to do with my own pride. In my furious attempts to defend God and win arguments, I was missing out on the reality of who that very God is. Apologetics helped me scratch the itch, but in the end I felt as if I had accomplished nothing. Something was missing. Something much more real and much more satisfying. And thank God I found it.

Read part 3 here:
on theology, calvinism and my search for God (part 3, The L-Word)

on theology, calvinism, and my search for God (Part 1, What's the point?)

       Theology is not for preachers and seminary students. Its not for smart people, or for deep thinkers. And no, it's not even for the Johns (Calvin, Wesley, and Piper). Theology, just like everything else, is for God. Or rather, it should be. Developing our theology should be about finding God and living in community with our Creator. We were created with the intention of walking with Him through life. We should have a desire to know Him, and our theology should be a reflection of that desire. That's the point. A means through which we glorify God by seeking an understanding of Him and His higher purpose. But that isn't always the case.
       I once heard theology described as a raindrop explaining the vastness of the ocean, or the smallest of light bulbs attempting to explain what kind of socket the sun is screwed into. Accurate as that may be, I have a passion, and I will pursue it. I'm passionate about searching for my God. And I'm passionate about it because I believe the God I'm searching for wants to be found. The knowledge I'm asking for, He wants to give. And the community I desire, He created me for.
       But where is my starting point? What's the foundation that I'm building off of? In my endless pursuit of the things I can't hope to understand, what is there that I can know? For a while I didn't have a clear answer for that. I could have told you that God loves me. Or that Jesus died for my sins. Those answers are honest and accurate. They are the right answers, but they feel somehow empty when staring deep into the unknown. So, over a short period of frustrated and unguided study, I've realized my foundation has to become a clear, plainly worded explanation of what is true that I can fall back on when my own understanding inevitably fails. A truth that I can repeat to myself. More than anything, I (and we all) need to be able to know who God is, even when it seems like He is at His most mysterious. Here is that bit of truth:

Hebrews 1:1-3 (NIV)
       "In the past God spoke to our ancestors through the prophets at many times and in various ways, 2 but in these last days he has spoken to us by his Son, whom he appointed heir of all things, and through whom also he made the universe. 3 The Son is the radiance of God’s glory and the exact representation of his being, sustaining all things by his powerful word. After he had provided purification for sins, he sat down at the right hand of the Majesty in heaven."

       Think about that. "The Son is the radiance of God's glory and the exact representation of his being...". When you feel lost and confused, when you feel frustrated or helpless, and when you cannot seem to understand, look to the cross.
       With that in mind, over the next few weeks I am going to attempt to articulate a portion of my search for God. The ways in which i have struggled and the things I have learned. I'm not quite twenty years old. I haven't been to a single second of college and my high school career is most definitely nothing to brag about. I am not a preacher or a seminar student. I am not a smart person or a deep thinker. I'm inexperienced, uneducated, and not much of a theologian. I am a drop of water pondering the ocean. A lightbulb desperately trying to know the sun. But I believe God has given me a passion to learn and to share. So with one more deep breath, I'm off. Here we go.




Read Part 2 here:
on theology, calvinism, and my search for God (Part 2, Scratching the Itch)

on good music, good coffee, and good......clothes?

       I'm keeping it simple again this week. There are three organizations that I have recently become very fond of, making up two different minitries. I thought I would share them with you today. So if you are at all fond of rap music, coffee, dope clothing, or spreading the gospel, then check these ministries out.



Humble Beast Records

       Humble Beast is a music label that has been putting out fantastic rap music for years. A lot of my favorite artist work under this ministry. Propaganda, Eshon Bergundy, and Braille to name a few. All of the men and women who work with the organization are dedicated to glorifying God through excellence in art and the spreading of the gospel. But the one aspect of this community of creators that really sets them apart might surprise you. All of the music released through Humble Beast is released for free. Yes. Free. No strings attached. Their policy has always been to create to the best of their ability, and then give it away. To download any of their music, or to find out more about Humble Beast, check out www.humblebeast.com
Also I highly recommend checking out Eshon Burgundy's new album "The Fear of God". By far the best album I've heard in several years



Left Roasters

       Although not an entirely seperate organization, I am absolutely a HUGE fan of Left. They currently offer four coffee varieties, roasted fresh and delivered promptly. Not only is the coffee amazing (I've tried three of their four types, because what even is the point of decaf?), but Left is a division of Humble Beast. Purchasing their coffee will help support their ministy. Check them out at www.leftroasters.com (their Kochere is currently my favorite coffee)



Grateful Apparel

       Grateful is a clothing brand started by Raymond Rivera that centers around the idea that we as Christians have so much to constantly be grateful for. The brand supports a ministry called the 3Sixty House which is dedicated to helping recovering addicts get clean and find Christ. Raymond, the Grateful brand, and the 3Sixty Houses are dedicated to living out the great commision. To check out more about them, and the products you can buy to support them hit up www.gratefulapparel.com

on stopping to take a breath (and crying like a man).

       My life has been a whirlwind of time consuming obligations lately and, unfortunately, that means I've had to put my blog on the back burner for a while. Writing has always been my way of processing my thoughts and fleshing out my ideas and opinions, so I have definitely not stopped writing. It's the editing and refining process that takes time and has just not been as important to me as the other things going on in my life. I'm learning that I am one of those people who likes to take on everything I can, and as a result I tend to get overwhelmed by the sheer weight of all the things that I get involved in. And I love it. But occassionally I have to shave off some of the less important things in my life in order to check my stress levels and keep from getting too burned out. In short, sometimes I have to come up and take a breath before I dive back in.
       But for those of you who still follow this blog, I'm back! And hopefully for a while.  I have a number of posts I've been working on for a while, so brace yourselves!

       As for this week, I will keep it simple. I'm in the process of finishing up a book by Max Lucado that I have absolutely loved. It's a phenominal book that centers entirely around the crucifiction of Christ. If you are interested in reading this book you can find it here, or get ahold of me and I will find a way to get a copy of it into your hands.
       As I was getting ready to write this post I also just finished reading through a particularly powerful section of the book that I wanted to share. In part two of the book Max Lucado examines the cross from the point of view of it's witnesses. The last of those witnesses that he discusses are what he calls "miniature messengers".
     
       Here is that passage. Enjoy, and see you next tuesday!

       "Tears.

       Those tiny drops of humanity. Those round, wet
balls of fluid that tumble from our eyes, creep down our
cheeks, and splash on the floor of our hearts. They were
there that day. They are always present at such times. They
should be that’s their job. They are miniature messengers;
on call twenty-four hours a day to substitute for crippled
words. They drip, drop, and pour from the comer of our
souls, carrying with them the deepest emotions we pos-
sess. They tumble down our faces with announcements
that range from the most blissful joy to darkest despair.

       The principle is simple; when words are most
empty, tears are most apt.

       A tearstain on a letter says much more than the
sum of all its words. A tear falling on a casket says what a
spoken farewell never could. What summons a mother’s
compassion and concern more quickly than a tear on a
child’s cheek? What gives more support than a sympathe-
tic tear on the face of a friend?

       Words failed the day the Savior was slain. They
failed miserably. What words could have been uttered?
What phrases could have possibly expressed the feelings
of those involved?

       That task, my friend, was left for the tears.

       What do you do when words won’t come? When
all the nouns and verbs lay deflated at your feet, with what
do you communicate? When even the loftiest statements
stumble, what do you do? Are you one of the fortunate
who isn’t ashamed to let a tear take over? Can you be so
happy that your eyes water and your throat swells? Can
you be so proud that your pupils blur and your vision mists?
And in sorrow, do you let your tears decompress
that tight chest and untie that knot in your throat?

       Or do you reroute your tears and let them only
fall on the inside?

       Not many of us are good at showing our feelings,
you know. Especially us fellows. Oh, we can yell and curse
and smoke, yessir! But tears? “Save those for the weak-
kneed and timid. I’ve got a world to conquer!”

       We would do well, guys, to pause and look at the
tearstained faces that appear at the cross.

       Peter. The burly fisherman. Strong enough to
yank a full net out of the sea. Brave enough to weather the
toughest storm. The man who only hours before had
bared his sword against the entire Roman guard. But now
look at him. Weeping, no . . . wailing. Huddled in a corner
with his face hidden in his calloused hands. Would a real
man be doing this? Admitting his fault? Confessing his
failure? Begging forgiveness? Or would a real man bottle
it up . . . justify it. . . rationalize it. . . keep a “stiff upper
lip” and stand his ground. Has Peter lost his manhood?
We know better, don’t we. Maybe he’s less a man of the
world, but less a man of God? No way.

       And John, look at his tears. His face swollen with
sorrow as he stands eye-level with the bloody feet of his
Master. Is his emotion a lack of courage? Is his despair a
lack of guts?

       And the tears of Jesus. They came in the garden.
I'm sure they came on the cross. Are they a sign of weak-
ness? Do those stains on his cheeks mean he had no fire in
his belly or grit in his gut?

       Of course not.

       Here’s the point. It’s not just tears that are the
issue, it’s what they represent. They represent the heart,
the spirit, and the soul of a person. To put a lock and key
on your emotions is to bury part of your Christ-likeness!

       Especially when you come to Calvary.
You can’t go to the cross with just your head and
not your heart. It doesn’t work that way. Calvary is not a
mental trip. It’s not an intellectual exercise. It’s not a divine
calculation or a cold theological principle.
     
       It's a heart-splitting hour of emotion.

       Don’t walk away from it dry-eyed and unstirred.
Don’t just straighten your tie and clear your throat. Don’t
allow yourself to descend Calvary cool and collected.

       Please . . . pause. Look again.

       Those are nails in those hands.

       That’s God on that cross.

       It’s us who put him there.

       Peter knew it. John knew it. Mary knew it.

       They knew a great price was being paid. They
knew who really pierced his side. They also somehow
knew that history was being remade.

       That’s why they wept.

       They saw the Savior.

       God, may we never be so “educated,” may we
never be so “mature,” may we never be so “religious” that
we can see your passion without tears."

- Max Lucado, No Wonder They Call Him the Savior
pg. 106-108